Operation P&M equals PEF
by Jess-siriusly
Summary: Padfoot and Moony lend a hand in helping Prongs get the girl of his dreams...in interesting ways. involving a journal and an amusing pair of troublemakers.
1. Prologue

**Yo! Back with this new fic. The idea just came to me. And it sounds interesting to write. I admit I may not have that much of a sense of humour. But I am trying my best, so give this a chance.**

**Enjoy! **

Operation P+M=PEF

*****

Padfoot: Moony.

Moony: stop this right now. Mcgonagall isn't in a good mood.

Padfoot: you know we will talk our way out of everything. Chill.

Moony: so now what?

Padfoot: James just asked Evans out during defence. Guess what?

Moony: she said yes.

Padfoot: you are so dense. She didn't, duh.

Moony: sarcasm buddy.

Padfoot: huh?

Moony: forget it. So what's the point of telling me about that?

Padfoot: can't you see? Our poor comrade is being tortured out there by evil Evans. It is the 3087 time he has been rejected.

Moony: so?

Padfoot: he's sad. We can't just sit around and see him get hurt by evil Evans.

Moony: we didn't. We give him chocolate.

Padfoot: right…

Moony: paddy you have officially applied the use of sarcasm. Congratulations.

Padfoot: whatever. But don't you feel like doing something for James, our best mate who cares about us and help us in homework.

Moony: you, not us. So what do you propose we do?

Padfoot: I have been waiting so long for you to ask me this question. I have got the perfect plan! Here goes, we are going to start an operation, to make Evans realise her undying and undeniable love for Prongs. I propose "operation PEF" for our group name.

Moony: right. Prongs, Evans forever. Can't you be more creative? Maybe something like "Operation Prongs-get-his-love-of-his-life-and-we-get-a-pair-of-snogging-monsters" or operation PGHLOHLAWGAPOSM for short? At least that sounds interesting.

Padfoot: you never cease to amaze me moony.

Moony: how about "operation Padfoot+moony=success for prongs and Evans"? I think that sounds nice.

Padfoot: yeah I agree. Shorten it to "operation P+M=PEF"…

Moony: we need a journal.

Padfoot: anything. You get it then. Oh now let's decide the committee. Me, Sirius Black, the founder of operation P+M=PEF, will be the mastermind of the committee. Remus Lupin, the follower, will be the recorder and co-mastermind of the committee.

Moony: just the 2 of us? What about Wormtail?

Padfoot: I don't trust him. He is bound to let slip to James and we will be busted. BUSTED. How does that word sound to you? No! No way!

Moony: I get your point. So when do we start?

Padfoot: tomorrow is a nice day. I got the perfect idea to start.

Moony: I have this feeling it is going to be stupid.

Padfoot: of course. How else am I going to get back to James for hiding my magazines?

Moony: I feel sorry for prongs.

*****

_Operation P+M=PEF_

_Founding: _

_Padfoot, founder and mastermind; and _

_Moony, co-mastermind and recorder_

_(members of the marauders)_

_Purpose:_

_To help Prongs get Evans, by hook or by crook (note that the emphasis is on by hook or by crook)_

_Message from the committee:_

_Padfoot: Hello whoever who comes across this! I am gorgeous and available 24 hour. Give me a message and I will be willing to sacrifice my hours for you, provided you are female and not slytherin..._

_Moony: shut up Pads. This journal is dedicated to our operation. We sincerely hope that ms Lily Evans will consider going out with our one and only James Potter. _

_Note:_

_If found, please return to the Gryffindor common room. Thank you for your cooperation. _

_And don't bother reading. It's bad for your health. You never know what will happen to you. My advice is to never try to find out._

_________________

**So how's it? I am rather pleased with this. At least I think it's quite interesting. I have some fun idea for the next chap so look forward to it!**

**Why don't you just press the review button below? I know you want to. **


	2. Day 1 Alphabetical Dates

**1****st**** chap is here! Woots~~ enjoy!**

Day 1 – Alphabetical Dates

Padfoot: Remmy! I can't wait our day 1 mission!

Moony: if you don't mind, I am trying to work here.

Padfoot: seriously, can't you show more excitement? This is our 1st mission! For god's, no James', sake, can you just put away the stupid herbology book and help to plan?

Moony: you've gotten it all planned out haven't you?

Padfoot: that's beside the point. We need to ensure that our plan is foolproof!

Moony: I give up. So now what?

******

"James, what would you say to a game of truth or dare?" Sirius challenged.

"What's gotten into you? That's such a childish game. Grow up, Pads," came the frustrated reply. "Besides, I am trying to work on asking Evans out."

"It's just a game," Remus persuaded.

"Whatever."

Sirius beamed. "Great! Okay Prongs, you start."

"Padfoot, truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"I dare you to get Moony a girlfriend in 1 day," James grinned evilly at the surprised duo.

"Hey this is my freedom and happiness you are sacrificing," Moony said indignantly. "Besides you know I cant date."

Sirius agreed. "And you are asking _me_ to help him? That's unfair! I wouldn't know who likes Moony anyway."

James shrugged. "You wanted to play this game. You can always back out from a dare anyway."

"No, Sirius Black never back out from a dare. Fine I will do it." Sirius said, ignoring Remus' protest. "Now, James, truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Heh, scared that I will revenge on you?" Sirius teased.

"Just go on and ask me a truth question."

Sirius glanced at Remus. They never thought that James would choose truth instead of a dare. Their plan would not work if James did not want a dare.

"um, I can't think of anything. Oh I got it! Where did you hide my magazines?" Sirius exclaimed.

"Under Pete's bed, you moron. And you can't find it?" James answered. "Moony, truth or dare?"

"um, truth?"

"Are you two planning something against me?" James asked, surveying the duo.

"Uh, actually, technically…no."

James look skeptical. But he let it pass.

"James, truth or dare?"

"Dare. I am interested to know what you are planning anyway."

Sirius nodded to Remus and Remus said, "we dare you to ask Evans out with letters, from A to Z, of our choice. So basically you have to ask her 26 times today."

James actually smiled. "So that's it? Interesting. Let's start now."

Sirius hi-5-ed Remus secretly. James is in for a rough day."

******

_A is for artefact…_

"Hey Evans!" James walked up to Lily, who is sitting alone in the library, and forced a smile at her. It was not easy to smile when you don't have a clue what a word, which you are asking out a girl with, means.

"Potter." Lily nodded curtly.

"Um, Lily, you are a pretty artefact, do you know that?" James waited nervously for Lily's reaction.

Lily blinked. _What did he mean? I am old?_ She had no clue as to how she is supposed to reply. "Okay?"

James, seeing that Lily wasn't angered, gained some confidence and beamed.

"Great! So would you go out with me?"

"No."

******

_B is for beast…_

"Lily!"

Lily sighed. It hadn't even been 10 minutes when James is back to pestering her.

"Yes, how may I help you, Mr Potter?" she stopped in her tracks and forced a smile. This was part of her duty as a head girl anyway.

"Have you ever read 'Beauty and the beast'?" he asked brightly.

"Yeah. How did you know about that anyway?" Lily was interested. Potter had grown up in a wizard family and will have no exposure to muggle fairy tales.

"Remus told me about it. Don't you find that story close to our hearts?"

Behind the pillar, Remus and Sirius were sniggering. They could foresee that James was going to make a fool out of himself. Well, they conveniently left out the fact that the beast wasn't exactly good looking.

Lily stared at James, puzzled. Her mind immediately jumped to the conclusion that this is a prank. But before she hears what he had to say, she will give him the benefit of doubt.

"How?" she asked.

"Well, you are beauty and I am beast! And we have a happily ever after!" he beamed, apparently smiling at his so-called intelligence.

Lily started laughing hysterically, so did the wicked duo hiding behind the pillar.

"So will you go out with me?" James asked amidst the laughter.

Only uncontrollable laughter answered him.

******

_C is for cello…_

"Evans, do you know how to play the cello?" James asked after about 10 minutes.

"No, why?"

"Just asking."

"Oh." Lily replied.

"Would you go out with me now?" James asked.

"Why would those sentences change my decision?" Lily raised an eyebrow.

"Because you are impressed with my knowledge of cellos?"

"No." Lily walked off.

"No to which question?" James called after her.

******

_D is for dinosaurs…_

"Hey Evans, will you go out with me?"

"This is the 4th time today. Do you ever get tired of this?" Lily said exasperatedly.

"No, I am not. Besides, I still have, 21 times to go."

"No, idiot, it's 22 times," came the whisper from behind the pillar. Lily almost broke out a smile when she heard this. It was apparently Black's voice.

"So you won't give up until dinosaurs infested this earth?" Lily asked.

James stared. Lily was getting uncomfortable with the stare.

"Oi, Potter? Are you there?" Lily waved at James.

"Oh my god! Lily!!! We are so meant for each other. You know what I was going to say! I was going to mention dinosaurs!! You like dinos too? They are so cute, aren't they? Oh my goodness! Lily!!" James started rambling.

"Chill Potter," Lily said, amused. "We are not meant for each other. And I will not go out with you."

******

_E is for elephant…_

"Haha Remus, is this the best you can come out with? This is going to be so easy. Watch me guys," James said confidently as he made his way to Lily.

"Yo Lilypad!" He gave his trademark smirk.

"Yes? And _don't _call me Lilypad." Lily replied, bored.

"You want to hear a joke?" James said suggestively.

"No."

"Come on! Anyway I am telling this joke to you. How many steps do you need to put an elephant into a fridge?"

"3. First you open the fridge door, then you place the elephant inside and then you close the fridge door." Lily said in a monotonous tone.

"Lilypad you are a _genius_."

"Thank you. Is that all? Can I go now?"

"Wait. This is another question. How many steps do you need to put a hippogriff inside a fridge then?"

"4. First you open the fridge door, and then you take out the elephant. Thirdly, you place the elephant inside and then lastly you close the fridge door." Lily said in the same monotonous tone.

"Lilypad, you truly are a genius. Will you go out with me?"

"No."

"Hey! At least give me some credit; I said you were a genius twice!" James said dejectedly.

Meanwhile, somewhere near them, Remus and Sirius were laughing their heads off. "Poor Prongs…" Remus said.

******

_F is for Friday…_

"Lily, will you go on a date with me this Friday?"

"No." Lily walked off briskly to lunch.

"Okay. Sirius, what's next?"

******

_G is for geeky…_

James flicked some food at Lily as he ate. Lily tried her best to ignore him but to no avail. Irritated, she turned to James.

"What?"

"Um, I was wondering whether you will tell me what's geeky."

"It means you are calling that person stupid or weird."

"Oh. I got it. So basically, Snape is geeky?"

"Wrong move," muttered Remus.

"He's not. You are more geeky than he is," Lily said coldly and stalked away.

"Right," James said sarcastically.

******

_H is for hydrogen…_

"You are the hydrogen of my life, Lily!" James exclaimed.

"That's great. Then I am sure you won't want me near you. Bye!"

"Huh?" James was left standing there himself, thoroughly confused.

Lily passed by the pillar behind which Sirius and Remus were hiding. A smile flickered on her face.

"You guys, need my help?"

******

_I is for intercourse…_

"What the hell? Padfoot, what are you thinking? How am I supposed to ask Lily out with such a word?"

"You accepted our dare. You will think of something," Remus answered.

"Lily, hi!" James said, feeling very uncomfortable.

Lily fought the urge to laugh. "Hello Potter."

"um I was wondering, did-you-ever-have-an-inter-course?" James muttered in one breath.

Lily's mouth twitched slightly. _Trust him to blurt it out like that._

"You are blushing, Potter." Lily teased.

"Oh. I'd better get going. By the way, would you go out with me?" James said, embarrassed.

Looking at James' flushed face, Lily was really tempted to say 'yes'.

"No."

******

_J is for Jack…_

"Hey Jill!"

"Are you calling me? Hi Jack."

"Can you be Rose instead?" James asked hopefully.

"Are you asking me out?

"No."

"Okay. See you."

"Wait Lily, will you go out with me?"

******

_K is for kidnap…_

"James, what are you doing? Put me down now!" Lily said desperately as she flailed her arms and legs, trying to get down.

"Lily, I am kidnapping you." James said patiently, as if he was explaining 1+1=2 to a 3-year-old.

Other students were starting to stare at the duo. Some girls were giving Lily the evil eye for "stealing" James from them. Others were looking at James with admiration for his so-called romantic action.

"Oh. So how much are you asking my parents for ransom?" Lily asked after calming down.

"None. I am not returning you to them after all," James replied, smirking.

Applause erupted from the onlookers. Even Lily smiled a little.

"Evans, if you agree to go out with me, I will put you down," James suggested.

"No."

"Suit yourself then."

"Oi Potter!"

******

_L is for lamo…_

"What is lamo? It's not in the dictionary," James asked Sirius and Remus.

"It is our self-invented word, which means a lame person." Sirius replied.

"Good luck," Remus said.

"Hello again, Evans!"

"What now?" Lily asked. "If you don't mind, I am trying to work here."

"Would you like to listen to a song?"

Without waiting for a reply, James started singing:

_Old McDonalds had a farm,_

_And Lily was a lamo._

_E-V-A-N-S,_

_E-V-A-N-S,_

_E-V-A-N-S,_

_And Lily was a lamo._

"Well, okay. I am still not going out with you." Lily said, as she went back to her work.

"By the way, James, your singing is not bad. At least the giant squid will like it."

******

_M is for millennium…_

"Lily, can I ask you a question?" James said.

"You just did."

"Will you go out with me?"

"I said you can ask; I never said I will answer."

"My love for you will never die, even after a millennium."

"I had hoped I will never go to hell."

******

_N is for naughty…_

"Lily, you are a naughty girl," James teased.

"Are you flirting with me?" Lily raised an eyebrow.

"Will you go out with me?"

"You are a weird guy, you know?" Lily asked.

"I know."

******

_O is for open…_

"Lily, I will always welcome you with open arms."

"Thanks for the offer." Lily replied simply

"Um…okay," James stammered. He turned back and whispered, "Psst, now what do I say?"

Remus just shrugged and grinned. James made a mental note to kill them later.

"Would you like to come to the kitchen with me for some chocolate?" he asked suddenly.

"Sure."

******

_P is for Prongs/Padfoot…_

"Ask her whether she likes Prongs or Padfoot more. Come on, you have 50% of winning. I mean if she answers Prongs, it means that fate wants you together," Remus coaxed.

"And if she answers Padfoot, I am sure Padfoot here will start hitting on her," James said grumpily.

"Seriously, you won't be afraid to lose to me, will you?" Sirius taunted.

"Fine."

"Lily, do you like the name Padfoot or Prongs more?" James asked nervously.

"Um, Padfoot sounds nicer?" Lily answered after a minute's consideration.

"Oh," James said dejectedly. "I will see you around."

_He looks so sad. I feel sorry for him. _"I only mean the name. I think I will like Prongs more than Padfoot in real life."

James' faced brightened up. "Really?"

"No."

******

_Q is for quote…_

"To be or not to be, that is a question."

"That's deep, Potter. You know who said this?" Lily asked.

"Shakespeare. I am quoting from him. Isn't that impressive, Lily?" James answered proudly.

"Yeah."

"Will you go out with me?"

"To go or not to go, that is a question."

******

_R is for Romeo…_

"Lily, have you ever heard Taylor Swift's songs?" James asked.

"Yeah. I love them." Lily replied.

'"Love story" is nice, isn't it?"

"_Juliet, date me, I've been feeling so alone,_

_I keep asking you out but you never go,_

_Is this our fate, I don't know what to think,_

_Can you finally accept my love, Juliet?"_ James started singing again.

Lily was greatly amused by the lyrics and his poor singing skills. "Ask me out a couple more times and I might just agree."

"There is hope yet," James said excitedly. "Guys what's next?"

******

_S is for Santa claus…_

"Lily, what are you asking Santa to bring you this Christmas?" James asked.

"A broomstick," was Lily's reply.

"Evans, are you really going to learn how to ride a broom? I can be your coach if you want."

"Well, I will learn how to ride a broom if Santa Claus really sends me a broom, provided that Santa Claus isn't someone called James Potter."

"Sure, that can be easily arranged. By the way, all I want for Christmas is you, Lily," James said in his most sexy tone.

"Cliché."

"Santa Claus will want you dating me," James winked.

"Since when did I start listening to Santa?"

******

_T is for tarantula…_

"What if I tell you that a tarantula is currently crawling on your feet?"

"I will pick up the tarantula and keep it as a pet."

"You passed my test. You are a true Gryffindor. So now will you go out with me?"

"No."

******

_U is for 'u'_

"This is an easy one Prongs, don't make us disappointed this time," Sirius said.

"Hey Lily, if I can rearrange the alphabets, I will put 'u' and 'i' together."

"I know you are craving for a better eye sight. I understand. These specs are starting to look boring on you."

"Uh if you want a change I can change it for you. So will you go out with me?"

******

_V is for vampire…_

"Which supernatural creature do you like the best?" James asked.

"Vampires."

"Why?"

"Because I am a blood-thirsty girl looking for some fun," Lily winked.

"Are you suggesting what I think you are suggesting?"

"No."

******

_W is for whisky…_

"Um Lily, want a bottle of whisky?" James asked again.

"No."

"What about some help in this transfiguration essay?"

"Gladly."

"Any help you need in finding a boyfriend then?"

"If you don't mind, can you help me ask Sirius out?"

******

_X is for x-ray…_

"Lily, I am an x-ray, I can see right through you. And I know you want me."

"I know I am not that hard to read. I want you, I need you, oh baby."

"So that's a yes?"

"Do you know what is sarcasm, Potter?"

"No."

"Forget it."

******

_Y is for yesterday…_

"Lily, the days in which you are going to reject me has now passed. They are so yesterday."

"I believe I have just rejected you 10 minutes ago. You have a short term memory, Potter."

"But anyway, you are going to say 'yes' this time. I know it in my bones."

"Looks like your bones are not that accurate sometimes."

******

_Z is for zestful_

"Lily, you are so zestful!"

"You are going to ask me out? Is this the last time by the way?"

"Yeah, for today. Please say yes," James almost pleaded.

"Let's rely on your bones to tell us, shan't we?" Lily teased.

"So is that a 'yes'?"

"No."

"Is that a 'no'?"

"No."

"So I'll see you on Sunday outside the entrance hall at 11?"

"No."

******

_Day 1 – Alphabetical dates_

_We dared Prongs to ask Evans out with words (from a-z) of our choice._

_At least James earned a little bit of liking from Evans due to our observation. (And he made a complete fool out of himself too! We suceeded!)_

_We, hereby, announce that our day 1 mission is an absolute success!_

_-- Messrs Moony and Padfoot_

**Well hope you liked this chappie. I personally find this quite cute hehe. James is a bit slow, but cute huh? (:**

**Look forward to my next update, which will most probably be pick-up lines.**

**Review! :D**


	3. Day 5 Pick Up Lines

**Yo people. An update!(: this chappie is about pick up lines as the title plainly suggests it. **

**This chapter goes out to all my reviewers3 and all those who like my story(: **

**Disclaimer: it's a Harry Potter fanfiction, what does it tell you?**

Day 5 – Pick-up lines

______________________________________________

Midnight Moon has signed in.

Sexy Sirius has signed in.

______________________________________________

Midnight Moon: an explanation why we are discussing this on windows live messenger?

Sexy Sirius: I like my display name.

Midnight Moon: is that the best you can come up with?

Sexy Sirius: heh. You know, just because of my display name, tons of chicks added me. Doesn't reading "SexySirius" give you a kind of pride to be a friend of mine?

Midnight Moon: no?

Sexy Sirius: fine, you unfaithful friend…

Midnight Moon: One question, how are we supposed to put this in our Operation journal?

Sexy Sirius: Lupin, there's such a thing called a printer.

Midnight Moon: …how the hell did you know so much about muggle stuff anyway?

Sexy Sirius: AH! Good question. It's for me to know and you to find out.

Midnight Moon: Talking to you is exasperating.

Sexy Sirius: tyvm!

Midnight Moon: you don't exactly know the meaning of exasperating, do you?

Sexy Sirius: I am sure it is something good.

Midnight Moon: Can we please get on with Operation P&M=PEF for Pete's sake?

Sexy Sirius: Pete's sake? HAHAHA.

___________________________________________________

Midnight Moon has signed out.

___________________________________________________

(10 minutes later)

Sexy Sirius: um Remus I have got over that.

Sexy Sirius: HELLO?? Anybody there?

Sexy Sirius: YOU USELESS PIECE OF IT CRAP. Where the hell did you take Moony? *Bangs on computer*

____________________________________________________

Sexy Sirius is disconnected.

____________________________________________________

******

(The next day)

Padfoot: Moony! Thank god you are alive!

Moony: Chill pads. Since when was I dead?

Padfoot: I thought the useless piece of IT crap ate you up!

Moony: I advice you to see Mdm Promfey.

Padfoot: I am serious! NO PUN INTENDED MOONY. I swore you just disappeared in our convo yesterday.

Moony: I signed out.

Padfoot: oh.

Moony: I am amused.

Padfoot: oh shut up. Get on with our discussion.

Moony: 5 whole days without mission. You sure are busy pads.

Moony: Do not ignore me Sirius Black. You know what will happen when you do.

Moony: FINE I WILL TELL JAMES ABOUT THIS WHOLE PLAN AND GET YOU SLAUGHTERED.

Padfoot: You won't. You have a part in this too.

Moony: …anyway, I've got a plan

*****

"Hel-"

"Prongs shut up. We are trying to help you here." Remus said as he uncovered James' mouth. The three were squashed in a broom cupboard.

"Oh it's you guys," James said stupidly.

"Uh huh. Who did you think it was? Evans?"

"Some stupid fangirl. You know fangirls are hell nowadays…"

"Shut up and listen Prongs, we have something good for you. This list," Sirius paused for dramatic effect, "is going to help you get the girl."

"Right. You and your smart ideas," James replied sarcastically.

"It's tested and proven," Remus added. "We won't harm you, will we?"

"Fine, let's see how good that thing will be."

*****

James bounded into the library and spotted Lily sitting on the far end of the table.

"Hello Evans."

"Goodbye Potter." Lily turned to leave.

"Do you have a band-Aid? Cos I just scraped my knee falling for you." James read off the paper.

Amused, Lily turned and surveyed James. "No. I suggest you go to Mdm Promfey. You can cure your _imaginary_ wound and at the same time, let her examine your mental stability."

"Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?" James looked up hopefully at Lily after reading the line.

"Do you believe in hatred at first sight, or should I remind you about it?"

James gulped. He did not want to be reminded about her first day at school.

"Girl, you gotta be tired cos you've been runnin' through my mind all day."

"You must have been so tired hexing everyone who cross your path huh?"

"If I were to look into the Mirror of Erised, I'd see the two of us together."

"Wow, that's deep. I thought you didn't know about the Mirror of Erised judging from your empty-headedness.

"Are you using the Confundus charm or are you just naturally mind blowing?"

"I am thinking of using some kind of hex to hex you out of here."

"Is your dad a thief or something? Because someone stole the stars and put them into your eyes!"

"Is your dad a baby deliverer **(A/N: uh I dunno what it's called.)** or something? Because I could tell from that swollen head of yours that he didn't catch you when you fell out of your mother's womb.

"Hey," James replied indignantly. "My dad's an auror."

Lily shrugged and turned to leave.

"If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together."

"And if I could rearrange the alphabet, I will put F and U together."

"Touchy Lils. I didn't know you knew how to swear."

"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" James persevered.

"Did it hurt when you fell from hell? Oh poor boy I think it must have. Your head is so swollen."

"What was that sound? It was the sound of my heart breaking."

"Oh did you hear that? That was the sound of my knuckle cracking and if you don't want to suffer my wrath, I suggest you get out of here right now."

James paled. "Chill Lily, I am not done yet. I still have a couple more to go."

"Let me guess, that's Sirius' list."

"Hey! You are a genius Lils."

"Excuse me, but I think I dropped something!!! MY JAW!!"

"Good, that way you can keep that irritating mouth of yours shut."

"I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away."

"I don't, so does that mean you will die from lack of air?"

"If you were a booger I'd pick you first."

"Potter," Lily explained, as if talking to a 5-year-old kid, "that is not exactly a compliment."

"Nevermind. Last one here. Are you going to give me your phone number, or am I going to have to stalk you?"

"You are already stalking me."

"Oh no Lily dear, I am not stalking you. Its just coincidence."

"Riight."

"So you're done? Does it mean you can get lost?"

"Uh yeah. See you around!"

"No thanks. By the way, tell Sirius that those are really lame pick ups."

*****

_Day 5 – Pick ups_

_Picky upy lines are LOVE. _

_Mission failed._

_- Messrs Moony and Padfoot,_

**Okay pardon me if some rebuttals are like a bit lame. That was the best I could think of. Hope you enjoyed this chappie.**

**REVIEW! (:**


	4. Day 7 Screwed up letters

**HEY my dear readers out there! yay thanks for stumbling upon this story and reading until here. ;D **

**enjoy! (: **

**disclaimer: if i were jkr, i would die in joy (and note that the sentence is the if 2nd condition)**

Day 7 – Screwed Up Letters

Padfoot: Moony my one and only love!

Moony: -pukes- if you are just going to proclaim your undying love for me, forget it, don't risk it by passing notes in class.

Padfoot: Chill Moon, it's Minnie. You know I can safely get both of us out of trouble. And that is if we do get caught. You know we won't.

Moony: right. Now, may I know the reason for your attempted suicide?

Padfoot: I _told _you this is safe. Moony dear, do you remember what day is it today?

Moony: Sirius-does-not-stay-true-to-his-name day?

Padfoot: It's the Operation's 1 week anniversary since our first ever mission! Don't you think that deserves some serious celebration?

Moony: No.

Padfoot: Moony you sucker. We should at least carry out a mission today.

Moony: And get ourselves killed by James? Do you not remember what happened two days ago…?

Padfoot: -shudders- Of course I do remember. It was a nightmare.

Moony: so?

Padfoot: we must redeem ourselves and help make James finally get his girl you know.

Moony: Padfoot I give up on you.

Padfoot: I have a great great idea. I am sure we will not fail this time.

Moony: uh right. And if we succeed, I will ask Leanne Ladwell out.

Padfoot: Hah! You finally admitted you totally love her.

Moony: I do not. I was just describing how impossible we will be succeeding. The percentage of failure is 101%.

Padfoot: Hmph let's bet. If I win, you will go out with Ladwell. But if you win, which is _not_ possible, I will not sleep with any girls for a month.

Moony: Deal. Let's get started.

___________________________________________________

Sirius and Remus crept silently into the library. The whole library was almost deserted, save for a lone red-haired figure sitting at the far end.

"Uh, so what's the plan?" Remus whispered.

"You keep a lookout. Make sure the coast is clear and that the stupid librarian will not get us exposed," Sirius said in a business-like manner.

"You know what, Pads? The only time you live up to your name is when you play a prank." Remus whispered thoughtfully.

"Shut up and get going."

"At least you have to tell me what you are going to do to Lily…"

Remus received no response from his companion, who seemed to be searching for something in his big tools bag.

A wide smile appeared on his companion's face. "Taa-da!"

Remus stared blankly at the thing in Sirius's hand. It was pink, and fluffy, and…

Remus almost burst out laughing, but luckily Sirius clamped a hand over his mouth to stop him from making any noise.

"Sirius! Let go! You are suffocating me…" Remus whimpered. Sirius removed his hand. He glared at Remus when he still giggled silently.

"Moony, this is called a cupid's archery set."

No reply. Remus was rolling on the floor in laughter.

"I am going to deliver a love letter to Lily with this…I am sure this would succeed," Sirius said confidently, ignoring Remus.

Remus laughed even harder when he saw Sirius attaching a pink envelope to the arrowhead. Sirius pulled the bow and prepared to shoot.

"Wooosh!" The arrow flew towards Lily. The duo looked on excitedly.

Suddenly, a Slytherin 7th year walked in from the library entrance. She was right in the way of the flying love letter. That wiped off the smirk on Sirius's face and replaced it with a look of horror. Even Remus was wide-eyed in shock.

"Move away bitch," Sirius muttered as he crossed his fingers.

However, as expected, the arrow hit the Slytherin girl in the face. Sirius and Remus saw her detach the letter from the arrow.

Remus nudged Sirius worriedly, "What the hell did you write in that letter?"

Sirius was not listening. He was burying his head in his hands desperately.

*****

Meanwhile, at the other end of the library, the Slytherin girl opened the envelope in suspicion.

_My lovely flower,_

_I'm a house of cards in a hurricane_

_A reckless fire in the pouring rain_

_You cut me and the pain is all I wanna feel_

_You danced away just like a child_

_You drive me crazy, drive me wild_

_But I'm helpless when you smile…_

_James_

"James? James Potter?" the Slytherin girl muttered, puzzled. Then realisation dawned upon her.

"James Potter sent me a love letter!" she squealed in delight. Then she added quietly in a love-struck manner, "Michael, I may be your girlfriend, but my heart already belong to another person…"

*****

"Padfoot, this isn't looking good. Apparently that bitch just proclaimed her undying love for James," Remus said worriedly.

He heard some sniffling coming from Sirius, who was still burying his face in his hands.

"Padfoot don't cry! It's okay. James will never know," Remus was at a loss what to do. It was the first time Sirius ever cried in front of him.

The sniffling did not stop.

"Look Padfoot, James would just not get his girl. And you will just get chopped into million pieces by him. There's no big deal…" Remus tried a different approach.

Sirius looked up and glared at Remus. "Great help, Moony. And I was _not_ crying. Just suffering from some serious nose allergy. You know how sensitive my nose is."

Remus rolled his eyes. "So this mission failed…"

Suddenly Sirius burst into real tears.

"Now what?" Remus said tiredly as he offered Sirius some tissue.

After a great deal of sobbing, Sirius wailed, "I don't want to have no company at night for a month!"

__________________________________________________

Padfoot: Psst Moony!

Moony: yes? I am trying to concentrate on what Binns is saying.

Padfoot: And I _know_ you are failing miserably. I can keep you awake you know.(:

Moony: yeah yeah whatever. So the one month starts now?

Padfoot: don't remind me. The thing is, as the one week anniversary of the first mission, we _need_ to at least succeed in some kind of prank.

Moony: I told you we can abduct Hugwig **(A/N: james owl lolz)** and send a letter to Lily as an admirer.

Padfoot: I was thinking…wait a minute, what did you just write?

Moony: You birdbrain person, it's on the paper for Pete's sake.

Padfoot: Do _not_, I repeat, do not say 'for Pete's sake' ever again. And moony, have you ever heard of creating tension?

Moony: surprisingly yes, when we are forced to take a drama class every week. Trust you and your stupid judgement. You said drama sounded fun…

Padfoot: It does. I mean the word does…

Moony: yeah. Trust you.

Padfoot: Moony, focus. I think your idea might just work. Secret admirer!

Moony: Trust you.

Padfoot: You see, we can just pretend to be a secret admirer who is supposed to be James. Doesn't that sound workable?

Moony: Trust you and your stupid ideas.

Padfoot: hmph it was _your _idea…

Moony: I was just _joking!_ Trust you to believe everything I say.

Padfoot: Argh stop trusting me!

Moony: Uh huh…

Padfoot: wait! I mean trust me yes!

Moony: okay for once I will trust you, because I would really like to see you murdered by James.

__________________________________________________

_Dear Lily,_

_I have been watching you for a long time…_

"No!" Remus exclaimed as he ripped the piece of paper. "That's _so_ stalkerish. No way is Lily going to like this."

"Fine! Then you write something, smartass," Sirius retorted, pissed. They had been spending the past hour in the common room thinking of how to write a letter.

Remus picked up the pen and started writing.

_Dear Lily,_

_From the moment I saw you, I knew you were special. You were different from all those other bitchy girls in this school. You have this aura around you that made me attracted to you. _

_I had tried to stay away from you, to convince you that you are not the one for me, but no matter how I avoided you, I could not stop thinking about you. _

_If you accept my request to go out with me, then meet me at the entrance hall at 9pm tonight. I will be waiting._

_Anonymous_

"Omg Moony! That's sooooo sweet!" Sirius exclaimed and hugged Remus. Remus was a little disturbed by his reactions.

"Get off, Sirius, we have some serious work to do," he walked off in the direction of the owlery. A Sirius with a love-struck expression followed.

*****

It has been an hour since the duo had sent the letter. They were still quite excited at the prospect of finally succeeding in getting James and Lily together. Both of them thought that there was no way this plan could fail.

Suddenly, they saw a familiar figure outside the window. It was Hugwig! Upon closer observation, Hugwig was carrying a letter.

"Yay Moony! We succeeded! She replied!" Sirius shouted excitedly and ran towards the window for the letter. Remus followed behind with a big grin on his face.

Sirius tore the letter open and started reading, "Dear anonymous…"

He stopped there and his face showed a look of utmost horror. Remus, snatched the letter away and upon reading it, showed the same expression."

"How the hell did Evans know that it's us…scary. I feel stalked," Sirius shuddered.

*****

_Day 7 – Screwed up letters_

_Although our mission failed badly, we have learnt these following things:_

_1. Evans is scary. She stalks people._

_2. Sirius cries over the absence of female company at night._

_3. Remus is an asshole._

_4. Sirius is going to get murdered by Prongs soon._

_- Messrs Moony and Padfoot_

**hehe stalkerish lily yeah? okay that was a long chappie(: yay finally finished it**

**anyway that lyrics in the middle somewhere was from "helpless when she smiles" by backstreet boys. it is a nice song(: go listen if you havent. i just tweaked the lyrics a biit...changed all the "she" to "you" ==**

**HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS UPDATE yay! i am in the yay mood so...yay! haha. high~~**

**review.. ya people out there! TYVM(: -bows-**


	5. Day 11 Plastic Attack

**YO. nice to see you guys again. and yes, here is a new chappie for your enjoyment.**

**Disclaimer: i just want to quickly post this, so i will not waste time thinking of a creative one. i dont own harrypotter. duh.**

Day 11 – Plastic Attack

**_________________________________________________**

Sexy Sirius has signed in.

Midnight Moon has signed in.

________________________________________________________

Sexy Sirius: Moony dear you there?

Midnight Moon: Unfortunately yes.

Sexy Sirius: nice to see you online again. It's been a while…

Midnight Moon: Since you freak out and thought I was swallowed by a computer monster…yes.

Sexy Sirius: that was because I was concerned about your health remmy-dear.

Midnight Moon: eww. Stop it you weirdo. Btw, I think you should change your display name to…let's see "Stupid Sirius?", "Spastic Sirius?"

Sexy Sirius: Hmph, I dislike the stupid one. What does spastic mean again?

Midnight Moon: Something that suits you.

Sexy Sirius: oh sure. I will change my display name(:

___________________________________________________________

Sexy Sirius is away. Any messages delivered may not be received.

Plastic Padfoot has signed in.

____________________________________________________________

Plastic Padfoot: How's this? I realized "Plastic" starts with a P…so the clever brain of mine changed the 'Sirius' to 'Padfoot' too. Just for the sake of…what's that word?

Midnight Moony xD: alliteration?

Plastic Padfoot: Yes! That's the word! You are a genius Moon!

Midnight Moony xD: Yeah…that coming from you…

Plastic Sirius: What's that supposed to mean?

Midnight Moony xD: hurhur nothing. Btw, since when have you become plastic?

Plastic Padfoot: Huh? You suggested that name?

Midnight Moony xD: -head desks-

Plastic Padfoot: are you hurting yourself purposely? HAHA. You are weird Moon.

Midnight Moony xD: yeah yeah _plastic_ Padfoot.

Plastic Padfoot: you are acting suspicious. Wait a minute, I will go and check the meaning of "plastic" in the dictionary. Just in case this is a prank…

Midnight Moony xD: …

Plastic Padfoot: Capable of being shaped or formed…Easily influenced…Marked by artificiality or superficiality…what?! Superficiality? Isn't that…bad?

Plastic Padfoot: OI MOONY.

Plastic Padfoot: you planned this right? You evil little…furry thing!

_________________________________________________________

Midnight Moony xD has signed out. Any message will not be delivered.

________________________________________________________

Plastic Padfoot: erm…you have _not_ been eaten by the useless piece of IT crap again right? OH NO. Wait there. Savior Sirius is coming to the rescue!

___________________________________________________________

Savior Sirius has signed out.

_________________________________________________________

*****

Padfoot: You little…furry thingy. You cheated my feelings again…

Moony: Oh I feel so honored.

Padfoot: You made me change my name into something so retarded, then made me think that you got eaten up by the useless piece of IT crap _again_!

Moony: I thought you would have learnt by now. Apparently you didn't.

Padfoot: well, I declare our conversation on windows live was a complete failure. AGAIN.

Moony: so can we stick back to this spastic journal?

Padfoot: OH yes! It's that word. Spastic. Isn't it? I abhor that word. So never mention it in front of me again.

Moony: wow. Pads. Abhor is a great vocabulary you have picked up! Who taught you that word? It's pretty strong…

Padfoot: Evans.

Moony: Ah. She proclaim she abhor Prongs? And this brings us back to our initial purpose.

Padfoot: huh? What does Evans have to do with anything?

Moony: the operation, my dear. The operation PEF…

Padfoot: Oh you reminded me! After you signed out without informing me last night, I came out with a pretty good idea.

Moony: That's good news. So tell me about it.

Padfoot: And I applied what I have learnt yesterday…

Moony: to never trust Moony again?

Padfoot: that and something else. That word "plastic".

Moony: I have a bad feeling where this is leading to…

Padfoot: we can make James plastic.

Moony: WHAT?!

Padfoot: joking. I am not so stupid, am I?

Moony: you are.

Padfoot: ANYWAY. I was thinking of making Evans more plastic.

Moony: I suggest you visit Madam Promfey. But I guess she can't really fix you since you have some kind of mental illness.

Padfoot: Uh okay I will stop fooling around. I researched and realized that a lot of the fan girls are plastic.

Moony: and so?

Padfoot: I was thinking of making Prongs go out with the plastic fan girls. And make Evans jealous.

Moony: cliché. So much for your creation of suspense with plastic…

Padfoot: Nah, I just wanted to showcase what I have learnt yesterday. But don't you feel impressed that I actually went to check up the meaning of plastic?

Moony: no.

Padfoot: Be more supportive dear. I know this plan is going to work anyway, be it plastic or not. And it is also going to solve *The Problem of the Slytherin Bitch…

Moony: hehe I am starting to like the idea…

*_Messrs Moony and Padfoot will like to explain to you the meaning of "The Problem of the Slytherin Bitch" just in case you are terribly confused. Do you remember during our mission day 7, we accidentally sent a love letter to a Slytherin girl? Yes. Apparently, the girl has been in love/ infatuated/ obsessed with James Potter since, and has sent James Potter 24783 letters to date. She has also started stalking James Potter. This we would like to solve that problem A.S.A.P. in case James Potter realizes it is Moony and Padfoot's doings._

*******

"Eh Sirius, don't go so close!" Remus whispered urgently.

"Relax Moony. She's not going to see us. Just stop talking." Sirius replied in an irritated whisper.

Their prey was oblivious to what was happening behind her.

"3…2…1…attack!" Sirius whispered and the duo launched into attack.

Remus lunged forward and covered the girl's mouth in a swift motion. Sirius then lifted her and carried her into a broom cupboard. After they closed the door, Remus uncovered the girl's mouth. The duo took some time to catch their breath before turning their attention to the girl.

"Are you obsessed with James Potter?" Remus asked.

The girl looked puzzled. "Huh? No!"

Remus and Sirius exchanged glances. "But…didn't you write thousands of love letters to James Potter?"

"I did?" The girl looked even more puzzled.

"You didn't? Wait a minute. You _are_ from Slytherin right?" Sirius asked.

The girl looked very offended. "I am a downright Hufflepuff!"

Remus glared angrily at Sirius. "And you were sure this is that Slytherin girl."

"They all looked the same to me…" Sirius muttered apologetically.

Remus turned to the girl. "I am so sorry that my friend here…"

He was interrupted by the girl. "Excuse me," she said to Sirius, "aren't you Sirius Black? Can I have your autograph?"

Sirius winked at Remus and grinned widely at the girl. "Sure. Take it as an apology from me for abducting the wrong person."

Remus shook his head exasperatedly while the girl stared at Sirius with a love-struck expression.

*******

"Moony…just trust me for once! I am sure this person is that Slytherin Bitch."

"Well, I guess she does look very familiar. But if you get the wrong person _again_, I will make sure I murder you."

"It isn't a good choice to get thrown into Azkaban for murdering a great friend. And if you kill me, everyone will mourn the loss of a handsome brilliant young man."

"Spastic young man…" Remus muttered.

Sirius pointedly ignored him. "Let's get on with the plan."

Remus went up to the girl politely and asked, "Are you, by any chance, obsessed with James Potter and had sent him thousand over letters?"

To his surprise, the girl nodded vigorously. In a split second, the girl was abducted and within minutes, she was squashed in a broom cupboard with Sirius and Remus.

"Is anything the matter? Why are you guys suddenly looking for me?" The Slytherin girl asked.

"Uh, you see. We understand that you are in love with James Potter…" Sirius started

"Yes."

"…and you might be wondering if James feels the same way as you do…" Remus continued

"Yes absolutely."

"Yes!" Sirius exclaimed excitedly. "We can help you with that!"

"All you have to do is to ask James out during breakfast. And we will help you with it…" Remus told the Slytherin girl about their plan.

******

The great hall was teeming with students from the different houses. They were all busily enjoying their delicious meal in the hall. At the Gryffindor table, the marauders sat together. Sirius and Remus were conversing secretly between themselves. Beside them, James was getting very suspicious.

"You guys are keeping secrets behind my back again yeah?" James pouted.

Sirius and Remus did not realize James was looking and had a great shock. Sirius, being the quick-reacting person he was, put on an angelic smile and said, "Nothing, my dear Prongsie."

"Whatever…if I catch you guys planning something to do with me…" James muttered threateningly.

Remus beckoned James towards him and whispered, "Don't you want to get rid of your stalker?"

"Totally! But how?"

"And don't you want to get your girl Evans?" Sirius asked, even more mysteriously.

"Of course!" James exclaimed without hesitation.

He watched as the duo exchange a glance. He had a gut feeling that they were planning something without him.

"Trust us buddy," Sirius said as he winked knowingly.

James did not even have time to react to that when a huge bang erupted behind him. Shocked, he turned around. Above him was a banner that reads "JAMES POTTER, WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME?"

"Say yes, Prongs. It's Evans," Sirius said, looking very serious **(A/N: no pun intended)**.

James didn't even think through Sirius's words. The moment he heard the word 'Evans' come from Sirius's mouth, he shouted, "Yes!"

A figure rushed out from the entrance of the Great Hall. James expected a rush of red hair, but it turned out to be raven black hair. And wait a minute, the hair looked so familiar to James. It belonged…to his inevitable stalker!

He cowered in fear as his stalker ran towards him. She was screeching, "James dear! You finally agreed to go out with me!"

It was all too much for his mind to take. Within seconds, he was shouting, "NO! NO! I never agreed to go out with you! I only agreed to go out with Lily! NO!"

When the Slytherin girl realized what he was saying, she looked like she was going to cry. She ran out of the Great Hall.

The Great Hall was instantly filled with chatters and laughter. Everyone was greatly amused by the scene they had just witnessed.

James sat down to regain his composure. It was then he realized his 2 best friends had disappeared. That was definitely not coincidental.

"SIRIUS BLACK!"

Someone else was exclaiming his name too. James looked to his right and saw an equally angry McGonagall screaming the same thing as he was.

He smiled sweetly at McGonagall and sat down. He did not want to get into trouble. But Sirius Black was definitely going to get it from him. That is, after Sirius Black escape from McGonagall.

*******

_Day 11 – Plastic Attack_  
_  
__Obituary_

MOONY: Eh, why am I the only one who is writing about this mission? Where the heck is Sirius Black? Is he murdered by the 2 angry people? Well, I did tell him this isn't a good plan, didn't I?

_Sirius Black__, 17, died March 1, 2000 at Hogwarts, being murdered by either James Potter or Minerva McGonagall, or even possibly the Slytherin Bitch.  
Mr Black was born on 31 December __**(A/N: what's his birthday?)**__ in London.  
__  
We offer our condolences for Sirius's tragic death. -goes off to cry-_

_PADFOOT: Moony-dear! I am back! ...Wait, why am I dead?_

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

**DONE~ hope you enjoyed the chapter! =]**

**Thanks to all of you guys who reviewed..really. you guys inspired me to write. and also to you guys who actually added my story to fav/story alert. thank you too. [but it wont hurt to just review right!!]**

**AHHH i have been writing a lot. even went to this writing camp. CREATIVE ARTS PROG camp! -- is the love(: ****okay before i get carried away with digressing about the lovely CAP camp...**

**THIS CHAPTER IS DEDICATED TO MY NICE CHEMISTRY TEACHER, MR KUO, WHO LOVES TO SWEAR. "useless piece of IT crap" is totally copyrighted his. he is going off to another school...so yeah. i guess i will miss him and this classic line of his. btw, i just want to mention that the obituary idea comes from this friend of mine who is obsessed with writing it.(:**

**I am holiday-ing right now. so guess i will try to update very very soon. but meanwhile...REVIEW(:**

**-JESS-SIRIUSLY [pun intended yes rawhaha]**


	6. Day 12 Unmelodious: part 1

**HELLO ALL. End of years has officially ended, and that's why I had the time to update(: I know I have been a sucky updater. So to make up for it all, here's the latest chapter :D**

**Disclaimer: Nope I do not own HP, because if I do, I would have forced the film-makers of HP6 to omit that (2) parts of bellatrix screaming: "I killed Sirius Black"! That part of the movie was just so…TRAGIC and DEPRESSING for me.**

Day 12 (Un)melodious: part 1

Padfoot: MOONY. How wonderful to see you again.

Moony: You don't know how happy I am to see you alive and writing. I am sure you have been subjected to great pressure for the past few days.

Padfoot: hey I am not a metamorphic rock. Great heat and pressure doesn't work on me. HAHA don't you feel impressed by my knowledge? I am still very much alive thank you very much. The oh-so-lovely James simply ignored me for the past few days.

Moony: Lucky you didn't get murdered huh. I bet James saw the pointlessness in murdering you. I could see it's not worth it – being sentenced to Azkaban because of you.

Padfoot: You speak as if I am such a worthless friend.

Moony: no comment.

Padfoot: Tu es un ami térrible. (French: you are a terrible friend XD)

Moony: pourquoi parlez-vous soudainement français? Où l'avez-vous appris? (French: why are you suddenly speaking French? Where did you learn it?)

Padfoot: Wait I am trying to understand that sentence…by the way, is Yahoo Babelfish the best translator around?

Moony: …

Padfoot: Isn't it? But why does the translation give me some weird sentences?

Moony: It's 4 in the morning for goodness sake. You don't wake me up just to show off your stupidity Padfoot.

Padfoot: Stay up till four In the morning & the tears are pouring…

Moony: …and I want to make it worth the fight…

Padfoot: …What have we been doing for all this time?

**(A/N: lyrics of a song by Gwen Stefani – 4 in the morning)**

Moony: that's exactly the question I've been asking myself since you woke me up.

Padfoot: Wow it's a long time since I last sang. And it feels good.

Moony: You are lucky I cast the spell so that James couldn't hear us just now. You know he hates being disturbed in his beauty sleep, especially by a wolf howl.

Padfoot: that was a brilliant pun Moony.

Moony: Now I can't even insult your singing…

Padfoot: HAHA. I love this man. "Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry…"

Moony: are you into that Korean wave thing too?

Padfoot: Nah it's just a catchy song. I am singing it not just to annoy you Moony…I am apologizing beforehand to what I am going to do to Prongs.

Moony: From that grin on your face, I think I know what you are thinking. Can Prongs sing?

Padfoot: Catching on, aren't we?

Moony: let's just say, if his singing is worse than yours, it's going to be scary.

Padfoot: I don't know whether to be offended, Moony.

Moony: So what do you have on your mind?

Padfoot: We can always try to flatter Evans with lovely song lyrics…

Moony: Why the sudden niceness coming from you?

Padfoot: I decided to do some good in this world. Seriously, what if one day Padfoot doesn't wake up? He won't want to be remembered as an evil person. He would want to have some credit to his name. Imagine the honour of being labeled as the person who "successfully joined James Potter and Lily Evans". Who know, someday they might be the last 2 people on Earth and have to procreate…

Moony: your imagination is running a bit wild huh?

Padfoot: at that time, mankind will be thankful for Padfoot's help in getting the 2 in love with each other now.

Moony: Is the world coming to an end…?

Padfoot: you never know Moony. I have powers to see the future and I see nothing but blackness. It's an omen.

Moony: I swear you are getting more and more like Trelawney by the day.

Padfoot: That Hufflepuff? Have I dated her?

Moony: you said she was too ugly.

Padfoot: oh I did? I shall go ask her out now. Common interests are good.

Moony: hello? Its 4 in the morning...I can't believe I forsaken my beauty sleep just to have this crap conversation with a future seer?

*****

_Later, in Transfiguration_

Padfoot: I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE SHE REJECTED ME.

Moony: yes yes you have said that 8492 times by now.

Padfoot: wait, you actually counted?

Moony: uh no. It was just a random number.

Padfoot: I thought you really cared for me that much, Moony dear. Heartbreaking.

Moony: you are too sentimental Pads.

Prongs: did I just stumble on a confession?

Padfoot: PRONGS! You don't know how much I love you…

Prongs: hey, stop two-timing you gay freak.

Moony: MINNIE ALERT.

_10 seconds later_

Moony: what was that?

Prongs: she came just to…

Moony: congratulate Padfoot…? For…

Prongs: TOPPING THE CLASS FOR THAT ESSAY?

Moony: that little…he totally copied off us!

Padfoot: back. I must admit I like that attention just now…wait, why are you guys glaring at me like that?

Prongs: Moony, what is the sentence for manslaughter?

Moony: nothing if we don't get caught.

Padfoot: GUYS! It's me, it's me, your friend, your great friend. Moony, think of our partnership…think of the bright blue sky. Prongs, think of Lily Evans, think of McGonagall…

Prongs: …why would thinking of Minnie calm me down?

Padfoot: I don't know! I mean, think of Peter. Think of the table, the chair! They won't appreciate blood stains on them!

Moony: You never cease to amuse me sometimes Pads.

Prongs: ha ha.

Moony: did I detect sarcasm?

Padfoot: so since everyone has successfully calmed down, shouldn't we get back to work?

Moony: we can't. Because Prongs is here.

Prongs: you guys are blunt. Were you guys talking about me earlier?

Padfoot: not yet.

Prongs: whatever. I should continue staring at my beautiful love now. Bye to you ungrateful friends.

Padfoot: we love you more!

Moony: we do?

Prongs: yes you do. "I love you, you love me. We are happy family…"

Padfoot: hide our faces quick! We do not know you prongs.

Prongs: hey don't insult my singing. See, Evans is looking at me in admiration.

Moony: everyone is throwing you looks of disgust and amusement Prongs. You have a big ego.

Prongs: Nah, my love of my life is looking over with eyes of adoration. I must impress her further with my lovely singing.

Padfoot: AH NO. quick quick run for your lives…eh Remus wait for me!

_Meanwhile in the classroom_

Sirius and Remus scrambled for cover before James could open his mouth. But it was a little too late. The unbearable voice of James Nicholas Potter resonated in the classroom.

The people in the class had all sorts of different reactions. The people who know James Nicholas Potter better, like the fore-mentioned Sirius and Remus, and of course Peter, ran as far away as possible with their fingers firmly stuck in their ears. The rest just sat there gob smacked. They could never match the voice with the handsome face of James Nicholas Potter.

It was of course the lovable Lily Elizabeth Evans who saved the say. A screech of "Potter, shut up!" successfully deterred James Nicholas Potter's failed trials.

"Dear, did you like my singing?" James Potter said, casually leaning back in his chair, unaware of the erm attention he was getting.

"You are ruining Jonas Brother's song. Just keep quiet Potter. You can't sing," Lily Evans replied harshly.

A look of hurt flickered across James Potter's features, but he quickly regained his composure and gave his famous smirk before turning back to his transfiguration textbook.

But of course, McGonagall would not let it go just like that.

"POTTER! What do you think you are doing in my class?!" McGonagall screeched while shaking her fist angrily at him. "Detention!"

It couldn't have gone worse.

*****

Moony: aww that was…harsh.

Padfoot: I don't know whether James' weak heart can take all those. The humiliation! That Evans. He needs us now. By his side. To tell him it's okay….

Moony: I didn't know Padfoot can feel such emotions huh…

Padfoot: we need a plan.

_Padfoot and Moony's ingenious plan to help Prongs_

_1. Get James out of detention_

_2. Get Evans to apologize_

_3. Get Evans to feel so bad that she will go out with James_

Moony: how's this?

Padfoot: I just realized how impossible our mission is.

Moony: heh I don't want to think about them. First task first…

Padfoot: we can ask the goody-goody Miss Lily Elizabeth Evans to help us persuade Minnie to let him off…

Moony: wait, how did you know her middle name?

Padfoot: James is a good stalker.

Moony: expected. Anyway, I don't think that is such a good idea. Currently, I already have a few worse-case scenarios in my mind…

...

Moony's mental pictures: scenario 1

"Evans, we want to interview you," Sirius smirked as he sat down beside Lily Elizabeth Evans.

"Get lost you big fat pig who can't even ask Trelawney out…" Lily replied nastily. As she walk away, she chucked a Potions book at Sirius who is looking like he was going to cry.

And sure enough, in seconds, the great Sirius Black starts brawling his eyes out, wailing, "I know I just got rejected by her! You evil meanies don't have to remind me!"

…

Padfoot: Hey!

Moony: okay okay I will change one.

…

Moony's mental pictures: scenario 2

"Evans, we want to interview you," Sirius smirked as he sat down beside Lily Elizabeth Evans.

Lily did not even bother looking up from her homework and simply nodded to signal for Sirius to continue.

"We would like to know your opinions on whether you think James deserve the detention…"

"For disrupting the lesson and annoying people with that voice of his…yes," Lily replied with a serious expression before turning back to work.

"But don't you agree that his voice is not something he can control?" Sirius almost pleaded.

"He could have controlled when he wants to use it."

"Please Evans? I know you love James as much as we do. Please do something since you obviously care for him..."

Wrong move. Lily immediately flared up.

"You can go and save him for all I care. You are sentimental, admit it!" Lily said and strode off proudly…

…

Padfoot: I am NOT sentimental! I thought we established this before?

Moony: I still believe you are too sentimental for your own good Pads. Why else would you go to these extreme lengths for Prongs?

Padfoot: and by the way, me, Sirius Black, do not beg.

Moony: you do, for James. Because you are sentimental…AHAHA.

Padfoot: Next scenario please?

Moony: …I am running out of them sorry. Can we just think of another way to get Prongs out of detention?

_*****_

_Outside the detention room_

"So what's the plan?" Remus asked tiredly.

"Um…Let's calculate the angle to hide and horizontal line of visibility to approach the room…" Sirius suggested.

"Are you trying to sound deep or what?" Remus answered, annoyed. "Just shut up and move."

"You were the one asking about the plan…" Sirius said dejectedly. Remus almost felt sorry for him. Almost. Before he thought of whose sentimentality it was who ended them there.

"Okay I got it. Get in, get James and get out. That is our plan," Remus said as he pushed open the door of the transfiguration classroom.

Another wrong move. They came face to face with a black-faced Minnie.

"Yes boys?" she said in a brisk tone.

James Potter sitting right in front of her table turned around in wonder and stared quizzically at the duo.

Remus and Sirius looked really uncomfortable from all the attention they were getting from the other students in detention. There were about 10 of them and they were all looking amusedly at them.

"Um professor, you see, we had a question on the transfiguration essay that you told us to do…" Remus started vaguely. He couldn't even remember what essay it was. He blamed Sirius Black to land them in such a situation.

And there was Sirius Black behind him mumbling, "What essay? We were supposed to do?"

McGonagall didn't detect anything apparently. "Oh Mr. Lupin, is it the essay on animagus? Haven't I given very specific instructions?"

Remus glanced pointedly at Sirius who understood grimly that it was his turn to say something.

"Uh yes. I am sure you did. It is just that we…don't really understand the topic that well. I was wondering if you could give us…extra lessons…" Sirius regretted the last part as soon as he said it.

Meanwhile, while Sirius is coming up with some excuse with a pained expression, Remus was behind giving all sorts of eye twitches to the bewildered James.

_Remus' original eye-twitching messages_

_Eye twitch 1: listen._

_Eye twitch 2: get out of here now (by turning his eyes towards the window and shaking his head slightly._

_Eye twitch 3: do you get me you moron?_

_Eye twitch 4: I am going to kill you later._

Finally after about 10 seconds, James Dense Potter finally understood the secret (or not so secret) signals. He silently started to put away his stuff.

McGonagall, meanwhile, surveyed Sirius carefully. She was indeed very skeptical about the make-up lesson part. Sirius smiled weakly at her.

"Okay then, how about getting Potter to tutor you? I am sure he would gladly do so…" McGonagall said finally, turning back to James Potter who was busy packing his things.

He quickly stopped what he was doing and mustered up the most innocent smile he could do. "Yes Professor! Sure. I am free on Monday night, Wednesday afternoon…" he rambled.

"There, Mr. Black and Mr. Lupin, you can just consult Mr. Potter. Any other questions?" McGonagall said in a dismissive tone.

Sirius and Remus looked at the still-sitting-on-his-chair-looking-dejected James Potter and realized they had to talk longer.

"Erm yes, professor, I also wanted to discuss the Quidditch strategies for the upcoming match against Slytherin," Sirius made something up quickly.

McGonagall frowned slightly. She did want the Gryffindor team to win the cup.

"So what do you propose? And by the way, Mr. Lupin, is your eye okay?" she asked with concern, drawing a few giggles from the crowd. Apparently, the air-headed girls had thought that Remus was winking suggestively at them.

"Uh sure," Remus smiled weakly before giving a glare to the James dying of silent laughter.

And so it continued, the uncomfortable conversation between McGonagall and the duo, until James was safely out of the window.

"Thanks professor!" both grinned and left the room, not before blowing a flying kiss to the amused students inside.

"Is it me, or has Sirius Black suddenly become sweet?" McGonagall mumbled thoughtfully before turning back to her detention class, unaware of a missing student.

*****

Moony: yay mission 1 accomplished. Let's proceed.

Padfoot: that arse James better thank us for what we did there.

Moony: but anyway the second mission looks hard.

Padfoot: seeing how fail our conversation with the dear Evans was just now, let's bet it's going to be worse than mission 1.

_*****_

_Later, in the common room_

Sirius and Remus strolled casually to where Lily Elizabeth Evans was sitting, head buried in a book.

"Evans, I want to have a civil conversation with you," Sirius said jokingly.

"I don't think you understand what it means to be civil. Firstly, personal space is very important in dealing with someone you are not close to."

Sirius got up from the couch and moved a metre away from Lily before sitting down again. He got a weird stare from Lily.

"Okay, so what have you guys come to find me for?"

"James has a bruised ego…"

"…because you just told him he is a horrible singer…"

"…when he just wanted to impress you with his singing…"

"…so he is feeling very depressed now…"

"…probably even suicidal…"

"…so we need your help to get him out of depression…"

"Guys, what can I do?" Lily cut in annoyed. "I can probably bruise his ego more…"

Sirius was a little annoyed too. "My little flower, you just have to apologize…"

"It's too late to apologize…it's too late…" Remus started singing with a heartbroken expression.

"Wrong song, moron," Sirius nudged Remus irritably.

"Fine, whatever…sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, blahblahblah…" Remus switched to the Super Junior hit song.

"Ah that's better," Sirius grinned and turned to Lily. "Got it?"

"No? Are you guys suggesting I sing for him?" Lily raised an eyebrow.

"If I do, then would you leave me alone?"

"Yes, we shall not bother you for 24 hours," Remus suggested with a big wide grin and a thumbs-up.

Groaning, Lily got up and walked towards James.

"Potter, I am sorry for telling you that your singing sucks…I was too blunt…" Lily started.

Sirius and Remus stared at James' excited face and immediately realized that something is going to go very wrong.

The second James opened his mouth to sing, the duo already disappeared.

Lily covered her ears and said, "but it does really suck…" before dashing for the exit.

_____________________________________

_Day 12 (Un)melodious: part 1_

_It's not over tonight, just give me one more chance to make it right_

_I may not make it through the night, I won't go home without you…_

_--Maroon 5_

_Padfoot & Moony: IT'S NOT OVER. Stay tuned._

________________________________________

**Haha how was it? I hope the length will make up for the time. Eh don't kill me!**

**Okay here I credit all the songs above.**

**1. 4 in the morning – Gwen Stefani  
2. ****Barney song XD  
3. ****Apologize – One Republic ft. Timbaland  
4. ****Sorry Sorry – Super Junior (my new-found obsession lol)  
5. ****Won't go home without you – Maroon 5**

**Yay. Look out for part 2. Coming soon~**

**-JESS SIRIUSLY.**

**p.s. review(:**


	7. Day 12 Unmelodious: part 2

**Hey guys I am back with part 2! :D I apologize for the late update. D: but anyway, please enjoy this chapter…as a belated Christmas present…:D**

Day 12 (Un)melodious: Part II

_Broom cupboard, 3__rd__ floor…_

Padfoot: Phew we escaped.

Moony: What a relief…those poor people still left in the common room must be suffering a fate worse than death.

Padfoot: hah. The only fate worse than death is to fall in love with someone and then realize that person is your own sister.

Moony: you and your sudden obsession with Shakespeare.

Padfoot: Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate.

Moony: that's my favourite line. I am impressed, Padfoot. By the way, why are we squashed into this broom cupboard updating our journal?

Padfoot: uh sorry. I didn't realize I dragged you here. Subconsciously I drag people to the broom cupboard. It is a nice…and cozy place, isn't it?

Moony: I don't want to think about what you and your flings do here.

Padfoot: Don't. By the way, did you realize today is the 13th day since the launch of our operation? And it's Friday the 13th!

Moony: why? You have triskaidekaphobia?

Padfoot: that has to be the longest word I have ever seen…Moony, you never cease to amaze me with that mind of yours. Be flattered.

Moony: uh thanks.

Padfoot: wait, so what _is_ triskaidekaphobia?

Moony: it means a fear of the number 13.

Padfoot: Ah. I can't say I don't have after witnessing the event that happened the last Friday the 13th…

…

_The previous Friday the 13th_

The marauders are lounging casually in the common room. They had all finished their homework and had nothing to do.

"Do you know that I just gained myself a fan base?" Peter said smugly.

Sirius looked skeptical. "How many girls?"

"Um…I am not sure, but 2 guys just approached me and asked for my autograph, squealing like crazy fangirls," Peter defended.

"Aren't you a little disturbed by that?" Remus asked skeptically.

"Hah, that's no match for mine. At least half the school population likes me in the special way…" Sirius boasted.

"and I presume the other half hates you…" Remus replied irritably.

"Nope. The other half _loves_ me…" Sirius replied with a wink.

"You know, I cannot stand those squealing fangirls. They have no life at all. And they mess up others' lives too," James interrupted.

"Because they keep screwing up your chances with the oh-so-gorgeous Evans…" Sirius said, amused.

…

Moony: wait wait pause. Are you going to continue with the entire recount? How did you manage to remember all those details anyway?

Padfoot: I am getting there, you impatient person. I remember all my intelligent responses…

…

Before Sirius even finished saying the last sentence, a huge crowd of fangirls streamed into the common room together, clogging up the entire place.

"Jamesie! Sirius! Remy!" they started squealing at the top of their lungs, fighting their way towards the marauders.

And meanwhile, the three marauders stared horrified at the sight, unsure of what they should do.

A scream from Peter shook them out of their reverie and the trio started running in one synchronized motion. It was lucky for them that they were rather fit. They kept running…until…

BAM! James smashed into someone. He fell to the ground, seeing stars circling his head. He squinted at the person who knocked into him (when it was apparently the other way round). The person looked oddly familiar to him; wavy red hair, green eyes, nice figure. Lily Elizabeth Evans.

They were lying in a very promising position, with James Potter on top and Lily Evans below. Lily Evans glared at James Potter irritably. However, James Potter was too engrossed in Lily Evans' face to notice her irritation and building anger. He was suddenly reminded by all those dramas he watched. Wasn't the all-so-gorgeous male lead supposed to kiss the all-so-irresistible female lead now? He moved closer to her, saw her eyelids flutter hesitantly a as their lips got closer and closer. Evans looked so serene and beautiful like that. He breathed in her intoxicating scent. He could see every feature on Evans' face so intricate, her light make-up not hiding her pale smooth skin…

…

Moony: if I didn't know better, I would say that you wanted to f*** her.

Padfoot: oh shut up. I was just trying to write like Shakespeare! You don't know how to appreciate the beauty of language Moony! Don't you think that the above description was so…poetic?

Moony: it just makes me feel that you want to hit on her. That's all. And how did you figure out what James was thinking then huh?

Padfoot: _The power of Imagination_ mate! Look at those Fanfiction writers who write slash all day! What, do you think, fuels them on?

Moony: reviews?

Padfoot: No! It's _imagination_! How else can they pull of a story with Moony and Padfoot shagging without knowing the actual details?

Moony: WE DO NOT SHAG.

Padfoot: I am just trying to illustrate the power of imagination here Moony. It was just…hypothetically speaking.

Moony: I certainly hope so. Let's continue with the story shan't we? And please don't go on describing Lily like you want her.

…

Before James knew what happened, he felt a stinging pain on his face.

"You butthole!" Lily shouted. It did not take long for James to realized that he had been slapped by his beloved. **(A/N: courtesy of Jeremy XD)**

Sirius and Remus who was watching the scene flinched slightly. "Ouch! That must hurt!"

James got up slowly with a weird expression on his face. He swayed a bit and headed towards where Lily was standing. Sirius and Remus had never seen James like that. This was the first time James was slapped. Perhaps he got mad for being humiliated and wanted to kill off Evans? That was a frightening thought.

But no one expected what happened after that. James slowly brought his palm to his face and clutched it. The duo and Lily watched puzzled as James's lips slowly curled into a smile. A malicious one? They couldn't tell.

With a love-struck expression, James whispered, "She touched me!"

Lily rolled her eyes and left him standing there. Sirius and Remus shook his heads sympathetically before bursting into peals of laughter.

…

Padfoot: I am trying hard to control my laughter now. Are you sure you want to carry out a mission on this day?

Moony: Haha but it may be fun!

Padfoot: Moony I realized we have officially switched roles. Since when were you the one who wants to make a fool out of Prongs, and me, the one having reservations for missions?

Moony: since I stole your brains.

Padfoot: WHAT? You stole my brains? You cheating lying thief!

Moony: I am amazed you don't find that statement lame. Usually when I tell that to people, they smack me on the head and told me to think of better jokes.

Padfoot: so did you just lie to me…

Moony: you are freaking sensitive mate. I swear you are turning into a girl...and it has been ages, can we just get out of the place now?

Padfoot: …and why the hell did you just snatch the book away from me? I am older than you and you are being so disrespectful to me?!

Moony: shut the hell up. I am seeing something bad. Real bad.

*****

_Somewhere outside the broom cupboard…_

Sirius looked up and was shocked at what he was seeing. A crowd of fan girls were just heading their way, holding up banners and shrieking loudly.

"Oh god!" Sirius thought. Out of the corner of his eye, Sirius spotted Remus running away.

"Moony, wait for me!" Sirius shouted as he ran after Remus.

Chased by a horde of fan girls, Sirius and Remus had no time to lose. That was why they did not stop to explain the situation to a bewildered Peter who was walking towards them.

The crowd of fan girls ran straight into Peter. One of the fan girls was unfortunate enough to knock straight into Peter and their lips touched.

Everyone stopped in their tracks to witness that horrifying event. The unlucky fan girl's eyes widened in shock as she processed what had happened. Then she screamed.

Pandemonium ensued along the corridor. Sirius and Remus, now standing safely at a corner, were no longer important to the fan girls. They crowded around the unlucky girl and helped her as she puked nonstop.

Peter stared confusedly at the fan girl and wondered if she was sick or something. He would never guess that he was the one who landed the helpless girl in this state.

Suddenly, a fan girl spotted Remus and Sirius and pointed excitedly at them. Then the other fan girls realized the presence of their targets. In their haste to escape, the duo ended up locking lips with each other.

Another deafening silence. The fan girls stood there with hanging jaws. Peter took the opportunity to pull Remus and Sirius to somewhere safe.

"Well guys, on the bright side, you successfully got rid of your scary fans," Peter said, trying to cheer both of them up.

Remus and Sirius puked.

*****

_Later, Gryffindor common room…_

Moony: hey. You there?

Padfoot: why do I detect such an awkward atmosphere over here? Okay, can we both just get over that?

Moony: uh yes please. Just do not ever mention the word fan girl in front of me ever again!

Padfoot: Then we should come up with some kind of fan club name. Something like, 'stars'.

Moony: why stars? Why not moon?

Padfoot: because you are already Moony! They can't just steal away your name! How else am I supposed to say I love my fans without implying that I love you if you call the fans 'Moon'? Not like I will proclaim my love for you anyway…hurhur.

Moony: …oh Buddha.

Padfoot: Aish ignore what I said. Why do we always get chased by _the people_ every Friday the 13th?

Moony: because _the annoying bunch of air-headed obsessive acts-all-so-innocent-and-kind-but-are-actually-bitches people_ have nothing better to do other than mess up other people's lives.

Padfoot: At least last Friday the 13th we got something out of the mob…

Moony: which is…?

Padfoot: That cute little word that came out of Evans' mouth! Butthole! Oh how I adore that word!

Moony: anyway, on to the mission, what are we supposed to do for today's episode huh?

Padfoot: That Jess-siriusly _never_ tells us ANYTHING! She just expects us to know! As if we are that clever…

Moony: Hey I am that clever! Speak for yourself! Apparently, today's episode is called something like "unmelodious part 2"…oh no…we don't have to sing again, do we?

Padfoot: I thought we had already endured enough yesterday?

Moony: I want to quit! Prolonged working hours, bad working conditions! Remind me why we are doing this?

Padfoot: because we want to make sure that Prongs get his girl and we get some peace.

Moony: right. For Prongs get his girl…we need a freaking miracle!

Padfoot: (singing) I need a miracle, I wanna be your man, give me a chance to see, that you were made for me…

Padfoot: Prongs should sing that to Evans.

Moony: Hahahaha and Lily will just kill herself off there and then.

Padfoot: (singing) You know that, maybe it's time for miracles…

Moony: WHY do we have to do this?

Padfoot: it's so sad we are not talking on MSN. You know your "WHY" emoticon with the guy's head banging the table is so classic of what we are feeling right now.

Moony: Totally. We should stage an insurgency to demand for more freedom in topic choice!

Padfoot: STARS ALERT!

Moony: what the hell are you talking…ARGH!

*****

_Later, the same broom cupboard again…_

Moony: YOU COULD HAVE BEEN MORE OBVIOUS…HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO UNDERSTAND "STARS"??

Padfoot: I thought we established that just now?! They will be called stars!

Moony: no! They are called _the annoying bunch of air-headed obsessive acts-all-so-innocent-and-kind-but-are-actually-bitches people_!

Padfoot: and you expect me to write all that down when we were just about in danger of being squashed by a bunch of elephants? Jeez!

*****

_Still later, common room…_

Sirius and Remus finally came up with a plan.

"What does making Lily sing have to do with anything?" Remus asked for the 16378942nd time as they walked out of their dormitory.

"Uh I don't know! But it will be better to hear Evans sing than Prongs right?" Sirius reasoned.

"But it is called 'unmelodious' not 'melodious'!" Remus argued.

"Aish whatever! Since when did you care about mission titles anyway? You are being too serious in life!" Sirius retorted.

"Didn't I pick that up from you, Sirius?"

Sirius stopped abruptly. "Did I just hear you say the Sirius joke? Remus, the self-proclaimed smart guy just used a lame joke!"

Sirius missed the exasperated look on Remus's face as the latter turned back. Sirius was still laughing when he was smacked on his forehead.

*****

_Later later, library…_

"Hey flower," Sirius said in a low seductive voice.

Lily scrunched up her face as she felt a shiver down her spine. "Don't do that, Black. I am trying to read here."

"Since when are we on last name terms?" Sirius teased amusedly.

"Since there had been Slash Fanfiction on earth…" Lily replied absentmindedly. She did not expect the big reaction from Remus at the word 'slash'.

Remus almost wanted to scream before he realized he was in a library. "Lily, you read those???"

"I don't read them," Lily frowned. As Remus was about to sigh in relief, she added, "I write them…"

Remus looked like he was going to faint in shock.

Sirius ignored Remus and took a seat opposite of Lily. "Can you sing?"

"Why?"

"If you sing, then you would not need to endure James's singing…" and Sirius took some time trying to explain the situation.

"You mean you guys have a _mission_? Who will use you two?" Lily frowned skeptically.

"_That_ is none of your business. Just do your job and sing," Sirius said, ignoring the annoyed look on Lily's face.

When Lily turned around, Sirius and Remus muttered, "Boss! We did not reveal your identity! Don't we deserve some reward for this? Just let us off for this mission…"

**(A/N: To which, Jess-siriusly said a firm 'no' for the sake of you readers.)**

*****

_Finally the last later, Gryffindor Common room…_

Moony: I am tired of this later thing! Why can't we just ignore that part?

Padfoot: We have to be clear to the readers you moron. We need to learn from good writers like Shakespeare. Plus if we do our job well, maybe boss will sympathize with us now and stop the mission.

Moony: doesn't look like it. Anyway how the hell are we supposed to prepare for a singing competition by today?

Padfoot: but…but it says, "Day 12 unmelodious part 2"! We can't just change to "Day 13"!

Moony: or we can continue talking and write enough so that we can bump the singing competition to another mission!

Padfoot: No we must obey Boss…

Moony: you are getting too loyal for your own good, Padfoot.

Padfoot: look at my name and my form. Say it again.

Moony: (singing) say it again, for me. 'Cause I love the way it feels when you're telling me…

Padfoot: shut up.

*****

_Very late, after hours of preparation, Gryffindor Common Room…_

"Welcome to the Marauder's singing contest!" Sirius MC-ed proudly, surveying the surrounding decoration and the Gryffindor audiences. "I am your very handsome MC Mr. Sirius Black…"

"Your coordinator, Mr. Remus Lupin," Remus continued, earning more cheers.

"That person staring into space over there will be your judge, Mr. James Potter," Sirius said cheekily. James turned red in embarrassment and scowled slightly at Sirius. He had been staring at Lily, not into space.

Everyone waited for Peter, who was standing next to Remus, to say something. Peter felt everyone's eyes on him and he cleared his throat nervously.

"Um…hi, I am…um…Peter Pettigrew…" he stuttered.

"Hi Peter," the crowd sang back in a bored tone. James, Sirius and Remus sniggered.

"Alright then, we will start the ball rolling with the beautiful 6th year, Christina Baron. Christina please."

Christina smiled brilliantly as she walked onto stage. Unfortunately, because she was so preoccupied by the attention, she bumped straight into wall.

"Ouch, that must hurt…" Sirius commented, trying to control his laughter.

The girl, Christina, looked up at Sirius. "You! You broke up with me just after one week! What's not attractive about me…I wanted to be with you…" Christina broke down.

James and Remus threw Sirius an irritated look. Sirius's face clearly showed that he had no idea when he had ever dated this girl.

"Uh…I am sure Sirius had a good reason," Remus tried to pacify the girl but failing miserably. "Um…so are you still singing?"

"I am dedicating this song to Sirius…" The girl said between sobs.

The girl's singing was just as nice as James's, to put it nicely. Her persistent sobs did not help either.

The rest of the contest went on with a bit less drama, but there were still girls breaking down because of Sirius.

After what seemed like an eternity, it was finally Lily's turn to perform. James was shaken out of his slumber by Sirius and immediately sat up straight for Lily's performance.

Lily's performance was dazzling. All the audience clapped hard when she ended gracefully.

James was about walk up the stage, when someone in the audience got there before him.

The guy pushed his lips to Lily's.

James was so overwhelmed with shock that he did not hear his heart break into two pieces.

*****

Moony: We demand a pay-rise, or we will not be updating this journal anymore.

*****

**That's it, folks! :D finally finished this chapter. I have been on this for a couple of weeks already. I was really trying hard to get it out before Christmas so that it can be a Christmas gift…but now that its over, it will make a good belated Christmas gift too. I promise you guys a New Year's special chapter!**

**Since it was written over a span of time, some parts may be incoherent? I did check a couple of times before posting this. But forgive me if I make small mistakes okay?**

**Songs used:  
Cascada - Miracle  
Adam Lambert - Time for Miracles  
Marie Digby - Say it again  
(i apologize for the pathetic amount of songs use. the singing competition _was_ supposed to feature some songs but i am currently a bit brain dead..and plus i am having this korean craze right now and is a bit deprived off english songs. anyway, i hope i can come up with another unmelodious chap somewhere in the future, but not the next chap cos i have it planned out in my head already :D)**

**This chapter has a bit more action :D hope you enjoyed it? **

**Thanks for reading! And please review(: thanks in advance!**


	8. Special Mission: Fanfiction

**HELLO EVERYONE :D -waves enthusiastically- i updated! woohoo. i was rushing this out before new years and i think i made it! :D this chapter is new year present for all my readers. THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT! you guys are the best~ :D**

**This chapter is dedicated to bluuinkblot. cos its her birthday hahahha. even if she doesnt read harry potter. whatevers. and it is also dedicated to sungmin (i know this is super random!) cos its his birthday tomorrow. hahahahahah. and also dedicated to all those who reviewed my fic. :D and dedicated to my beloved 212'09333. (sorry for wasting space here! D: )**

**disclaimer: want to get my fic up so shall not waste time thinking of a amusing disclaimer haha..**

Special Mission (New Years Special) – Fan-fiction 

_Common room…_

Moony: finally a free period! We haven't had one for ages. We hadn't gotten time for our mission for a few days…

Padfoot: We should do something about the situation at hand.

Moony: about a falling-in-love-Evans and heartbroken James?

Padfoot: nowadays Evans act strangely. You can see her and her newfound love exchanging shy glances at each other along corridors when they meet.

Moony: yeah…and James sees everything but says nothing.

…

_A while ago, after Transfiguration_

"Class dismissed," McGonagall finished off as bell rang. The students shuffled noisily out of the classroom in troupes.

James quietly packed his stuff. He knew he had a free period later and he was in no rush. Remus, Sirius and Peter were waiting for him nearby.

They headed to the classroom door in silence. The remaining marauders knew James was still brooding over the Evans incident but they did not know what to say.

Sirius and Remus froze when they saw the guy who kissed Lily, Michael McKinnon standing casually at the doorway. Their eyes flickered to Lily who was walking in front of them. They knew something was going to happen, and it was not going to be good.

James sensed the two people beside him stop moving and he glanced up, puzzled. What he saw was another blow to his already tattered heart.

Lily's head was buried in a book and it was no wonder that she bumped straight into McKinnon. The books she was holding dropped into the ground.

"Ah sorry!" McKinnon apologized profusely as an flustered Lily hurried to pick up her books. He also squatted down to help her. Out of haste, or more likely on purpose, his hands touched hers and held it for a few seconds.

"Ahem…" Sirius said coldly. "You guys are conveniently blocking the doorway."

Lily got redder as she stood up with her stuff. McKinnon tried to help her up but she cringed when he touched her arm.

Lily threw a murderous look at Sirius before walking away quickly. McKinnon gave a small smirk before leaving in the other direction.

The marauders walked out in complete silence, each of them aware of the heart-ache James was experiencing.

…

Moony: now he's probably quietly sitting in the dormitory thinking about what he did wrong to make Lily not like him.

Padfoot: We can't have that. We are going to do something to get Evans to realize that she is meant for James.

Moony: and how are you planning to do that?

Padfoot: ah the wonders of fan fiction!

Moony: we are going to write a story about Lily and James getting together, show it to Lily and expect her to fall for James?

Padfoot: That's the main idea yes. You are fast, Moony.

Moony: You are so naïve, mate…you expect a story to work wonders?

Padfoot: Ah…this is the reason why you cannot be a successful matchmaker! You are thinking too logically. Love isn't logic, dear.

Moony: I don't like you this deep. And do not call me 'dear', thank you very much.

Padfoot: what you need, is _imagination_.

Moony: Pads, we went through this before. No need to try to impress us again.

Padfoot: Did I also mention about the slash fan fiction writers?

Moony: …you mean you prepare what you are going to say?

Padfoot: I need to make myself more profound. Do you know how the public sees me? They see me as a JOKER. I am _not_ a joker who just goofs around in the Marauders! I am a _gem_. Plus I am _smart._

Moony: Ah I see. I don't like my current image either. I want to be seen as a fun-loving person too! They judge us too soon. Now I am known as some kind of rule-abiding killjoy person…

Padfoot: And they make me like a womanizer who make out with everything I lay my sight on. Hello? I have my standards too.

Moony: like not making out with a tree.

Padfoot: oh shut up. I do not take Slytherins or too ugly-looking ones too. anyway where was I? Oh yes, imagination. We need to get Lily to see the brilliant life she could have been leading if she goes out with James.

Moony: what's so awesome about going out with James?

Padfoot: getting the stares of envy from many fan girls?

Moony: more like getting hated by James's fan girls and being the target of a plotted murder from them just for dating James.

Padfoot: we do not need to tell her that! And Hogwarts fan girls are not as crazy as netizens, sheesh.

Moony: oh yeah?

…

**Worst fan girl experience of the Marauders**

_(Padfoot: wait, are we writing in story format or just a report?_

_Moony: uh…to take up more space I think story will be good…plus, you will be able to impress our viewers by using your descriptive vocabulary, won't you?_

_Padfoot: good idea!_

_Moony: just do not start describing a fan girl like you want to f*** her. Thank you very much.)_

Moony

He was walking along the corridor one day after Astronomy class. It was already very dark. Curfew was in a few minutes time and he was rushing to get back to the common room.

The darkness was unsettling. He could feel someone behind him but being unable to see anything more than 5 feet away, he could not confirm that.

Suddenly, he heard the sound of a footstep. He stopped immediately.

He could not stop his voice from trembling as he asked, "Who's there?"

"Take this," a girl whispered menacingly.

Remus was hit by something. He stumbled and fell to the ground. He smelt a very foul smell. Someone had thrown shit at him.

Before he could stand up or retaliate, he was pushed to the wall by a girl that was at least twice his size. She was wearing a mask and he could not see her face.

"You have been getting pretty close to Sirius nowadays huh? Stay away from my Sirius or I will kill you next time," she threatened before signaling for her comrades to bind Remus up

Remus wondered whether Hogwarts was manifesting secret societies. These fan girls nowadays are getting out of hand. And how could they suspect something going on between him and Sirius? He is completely straight. He was just about to argue before he was gagged tightly.

A follower asked, "What do we do with him now? He stink."

Apparently the gang leader was not very good at planning. "Uh, let's just leave him here and let him die of stinky-ness…"

With a "menacing" laugh of "Ha ha ha!", the gang left.

Remus shook his head at the gang. They had conveniently forgotten that he had a wand. But his wand was in his back pocket and impossible to reach with his hands tied up in front. He pulled out his gag and was going to shout for help when a sudden light appeared in front of him.

A girl stood there holding the wand. Remus squinted. It did not seem to be the gang of fan girls. Thank god.

"Remus Lupin, is that you?" the girl walked up to him.

He nodded and launched into an explanation while the girl untied him. The girl was a Hufflepuff by the name of Solby.

"You stink, you know that? I had better stand further away," Solby said, laughing.

Remus was amused by her bluntness. They exchanged a few sentences. Remus never felt so at ease talking to a girl. Then they decided to meet the next day at the library.

******

Moony: the end of the story.

Padfoot: why didn't you tell me about this! So you are seeing the girl now?

Moony: actually that incident happened yesterday…

Padfoot: so you are going for a date later?

Moony: we are just going to study Astronomy together…

Padfoot: right…so are you thinking of revenging on those crazy fan girls?

Moony: well, I could. But I don't feel like playing this spastic game with them. They are beneath me really.

Padfoot: you do realize that there's only one possible who is that big-sized in this entire school? Want me to have a talk with her?

Moony: a talk? More like a snogging session?

Padfoot: I won't make out with someone who just threatened my best mate! You think I am a person with no principle?

Moony: yes?

Padfoot: no! According to any book, you are supposed to apologize now for thinking of me like that.

Moony: …

Padfoot: talking about my worst fan girl experience…

Moony: probably something like a very ugly fan girl who threw herself at you?

Padfoot: no…it was that incident a few days ago.

Moony: I don't want to be reminded.

******

_After a few hours, common room_

Padfoot: YAY I finally finished one fic! Hooray!

Moony: this is bloody inefficient Pads…we are skipping classes writing FAN-FICTION?!

Padfoot: we need to sacrifice for our poor friend! Anyway I did manage to finish this! Let me show you…

_After 3 minutes of reading…_

Moony: this has got to be rated M21 or something. Did I just waste all those time waiting for this piece of offensive reading? Do you have to go into all those details? I am sure Lily won't appreciate this mate. I am feeling so disturbed now.

Padfoot: you should have told me earlier that you want fluff and not smut. You have officially wasted your time and mine.

Moony: you better convince me that you can write normal content.

_After another 2 hours, same place_

Moony: Done?

Padfoot: touching up…wait…oh yes! Done!

Moony: reading…

Moony: aww that was indeed quite sweet. Awesome work Padfoot! But how many more do we need to do?

Padfoot: probably quite a few…MOONY! ARE YOU ALRIGHT?

****

_Later, hospital wing_

Sirius waited anxiously as Madam Promfey finished her examination of Remus.

"What kind of shock did Mr. Lupin suffer for him to faint like that?" Madam Promfey asked sternly.

"He was just told that he had to skip a couple of classes…" Sirius answered hesitantly.

Madam Promfey raised an eyebrow but decided not to question further. "Well, take good care of your friend. He will wake up soon."

Sirius thanked her and he sat down on the chair beside Remus' bed.

After some time, Remus finally woke up. "Moony! How are you feeling?"

"Not fine at all. I just suffered a bad shock. Sirius, I am _not_ skipping lessons for a stupid fan fiction!"

"Fan fictions. Come on! It's not the end of the world to skip lessons! Didn't you do that just now with me?" Sirius pleaded. "I need some support!"

"But the lesson just now was Divination and I figured Professor Dimwit will not miss me," Remus explained with a small smile.

"So that was the reason why you offered to stay back and accompany me just now? I thought you were backing me up!" Sirius said.

Remus laughed. "Fine, I will just stay in the hospital wing? You can use visiting me as a reason."

"Hah so you did it on purpose huh? I knew you were not that uptight!"

"Yes. And fan fiction writers better get that part right…"

*****

_10 minutes later, hospital wing_

"Remus! Are you okay? It hasn't even been full moon yet!" Prongs whispered urgently as he rushed into the hospital wing.

Remus smiled when he saw how concerned his friend was. "Nah I am fine. I just got a bad shock from Sirius that's all."

James nodded sympathetically since he had experienced this before too. "Anyway I have specially conjured up this bouquet for you…" he signaled for Peter to bring it forward.

"Remus, get well soon," Peter squeaked.

"Thank you guys. Don't worry I am fine…" Remus answered.

James waved his hand. "No problem. Well, we'd better get going. Going to be late for defense. You coming, Padfoot?"

Sirius cast an apologetic face at Remus and grudgingly nodded. As the three of them were walking out of the hospital wing, Remus called James back.

"Prongs, do you happen to have Lily's email address?" Remus asked.

"Wait ah…" James reached for his bag and pulled out a thick notebook. On the book cover, it says "The Ultimate Lily Evans Collection, compiled by James Potter". Remus rolled his eyes when he saw it.

James flipped the pages carefully and after about 3 minutes of intense searching, he found what he needed.

"There," he showed Remus the email. "Why do you need it anyway?"

"Discussion for our Astronomy project…" Remus lied easily. "Thanks mate."

After James left, Sirius gave Remus a secret thumbs-up before leaving with James.

****

_More than one hour later, hospital wing_

Sirius bounded into the hospital wing. He saw Remus sitting in the bed, head buried in some papers.

"Yo Moony, what are you reading?" he asked curiously.

Remus looked up with a pissed expression. Sirius frowned before realizing that Remus was reading through fan fiction.

"You are annoyed by the sheer number of Remus/Sirius fan fiction online written by Hogwarts fan girls?"

"No, that's not the main problem. I just don't understand why I am always pictured as the recessive one who never takes control…" Remus muttered.

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Do you mean what I think you mean?"

"I am just saying, I am annoyed by how they _always_ make you the dominant one," Remus said.

Sirius did not know how to explain. "Maybe it's just this impression thing?"

"Do I look that weak?" Remus threw Sirius an annoyed look.

Sirius shook his head hesitantly. Remus ignored him. "I think you will be the weaker one anyway…"

"Stop it Moony. You are getting disturbing…"

"These fan fiction writers need better imagination seriously. It's always me going after you and suffering heart-break because you are dating other girls. Then there will be a confession scene and then you realized you actually like guys too and…"

"I know. But there are some whereby I throw myself at you. Do I look like someone with such low standards?" Sirius complained too.

Remus glared at Sirius. "What do you mean by that?"

Sirius gulped. "No no no I meant, I don't like guys…"

Remus rolled his eyes. "And you said slash fan fiction writers have imagination?"

*****

_A few days later…_

"Potter!" James looked up to see Lily Evans rushing to him.

He wondered why she needed to find him. She was holding a stack of papers and did not look very pleased.

He waited for Lily to catch her breath.

_(Moony: They will never find us like that…James don't know we borrowed his invisibility cloak, does he?_

_Padfoot: probably not. Let's keep quiet…)_

"Potter, explain these," Lily said angrily as she shoved the stack of paper at him.

He took a brief glance at them and instantly recognized the papers. Someone emailed him those fan fiction links too. They were stories shipping him and Lily.

"You actually printed them out?" James asked, amused.

_(Padfoot: hahahahaha nice reaction mate! Great minds think alike.)_

Lily was seething. "You sent them right? Do you have so much time to write fan fiction about us?"

James tried to explain. "No…I…"

She cut him off. "Don't think these lame childish writing will make me impressed and fall for you. No way am I ever going out with you…"

_(Moony: see! I _told_ you it won't work!)_

"I don't write fan fiction about you…" James retorted, apparently annoyed at his treatment.

"…at least I don't think I ever did…wait, let me check…" James added offhandedly and without thinking, took out his Lily Evans collection book.

_(Moony, Sirius: wrong move mate!)_

Lily's eyes widened at the sight of the book. She snatched the book away from James and flipped through the book impatiently.

"WHOA…what? Potter you stalk me?" she screamed.

"I do stalk you…but I never wrote these fan fiction about you and me!" James tried to explain.

"Yeah I believe you," Lily said sarcastically.

James brightened up. "You do? That's great. I really did not send them. It's probably some person who believes we should be together…"

"Nobody believes that. And you should look at the reality too Potter," Lily said tiredly.

"By the way, which ones did you read?"

"I was reading the really fluffy one about Christmas presents. It was actually okay. The smut one should come with a warning. Anyway the point is, I just don't understand why all these fan fiction feature me as a stupid girl in denial…"

_(Padfoot: because you apparently are.)_

"I am not in denial! I seriously don't like you Potter."

_(Moony: aww that was harsh…poor Prongs.)_

James's face fell. Lily continued, "And I don't see why I will throw myself at you just after one kiss!"

"Because you do throw yourself at someone after one kiss," James said quietly.

Lily froze. "What do you mean? Do you see me some kind of whore?"

"McKinnon. That one kiss just completely blew you away huh? You just let him kiss you, and you didn't even slap him afterwards like what you always did to me…" James continued coldly.

"I…I was too shocked to do anything…and don't drag Michael into this," Lily retorted.

"Ah so now it's Michael huh? You are so smitten that you will now defend him? What's him to you?" James continued, looking straight at Lily. "What am I to you? Am I someone with no feelings to you? You go around acting all so stuck-up and trampling on other people's hearts. You are not worth my efforts…"

Tears sprung to Lily's eyes and she turned away so that James would not see them. "Then don't waste any efforts on me…" she retorted firmly before stomping off.

James threw her an exasperated look before heading the other direction to the hospital wing.

_(Moony: uh oh…_

_Padfoot: we'd better hurry back to the hospital wing…)_

***

_A moment later, hospital wing_…

James burst into the hospital wing. He saw the duo sitting together pouring over some papers.

"Guys, we need to talk," James said, looking annoyed. "Did you guys send those fan fiction links to Evans and me? Or were you guys the ones who wrote them?"

"Which one did you like the most?" Sirius asked peevishly.

James was caught off-guard. "Huh? The Christmas fluff one was cool. And the other one about Evans being dumped by a guy and me comforting her. Wait, stop changing the subject. Why did you guys write those stories?"

Remus stood up and patted James' shoulders. "We thought it would help her realize that you are the one for her. We wanted to help you mate. We are worried about you…you have been moping around ever since that McKinnon guy appeared. Did something happen just now?"

James sighed and told them about what happened earlier. He did not know that Remus and Sirius witnessed the event too.

"Well I am glad you came to your senses. Evans is not worth it mate…" Sirius tried to comfort James.

Remus threw him a murderous look. "Prongs, we are always here for you, whatever decision you make. We just want you to be happy okay?"

"And I thought these stories will cheer you up. Weren't they awesome?" Sirius asked happily.

James was touched by his friends' efforts. "Thanks guys…I really appreciated your help. I know Evans is not for me and I am not going to waste my time on her anymore…"

Remus and Sirius nodded. They were glad that their friend was happy again.

"And by the way, mate, your stories were really brilliant!" James smiled.

Sirius beamed.

"Don't boost his ego further…I won't be able to take it anymore!" Remus said jokingly.

*****

_At the same time, girls' dormitory_

"Stupid Potter. As if I care about what you think about me…I hope you will keep to your word and never bother me again humph…" Lily muttered angrily.

She stole a glance at the stack of fan fiction. She had to admit they were indeed well-written. She took up the one about Christmas presents and began to read again. "How did he know I wanted a puppy…?"

*****

_Special Mission: Fan-fiction_

Moony: still not updating. You will have to give us a pay-rise someday.

*****

**there. my longest chapter ever. REVIEW. and make my day! HAPPY NEW YEAR! (: 2010 HERE WE COME~~**


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